Where do they come from?
by Presto7794
Summary: While they are both drunk, Gimli askes Legolas an important question about his fighting style, which leades to a chain of events involving a plot to take over middle earth and a Pyromaniac Leprechaun!
1. Where Do Those Arrows Come From?

This is what happens when I read a Lord of the Rings FanFiction.

**He has gone completely insane, but someone does get set on fire!**

For those of you that haven't read me earlier Fan Fictions, that was my Pyromaniac Leprechaun. He talks in bold.

**Yep! That's me! He has finally set someone on fire I'm so proud of him****.**** tears up.**

This is a random FanFiction I wrote, because I have writers block. I'm really sorry if they seem OOC, but it has been about a year since I read the books and a couple of months since I watched the movies. They're all a little drunk though, so they should be just a bit OOC. And if I repeat some of the conversations from the books/movies, then I apologize for it. But I think all the times I do it not all of the characters in the room, at that time have heard.

**In other words****,**** don't whine!**

The story start with Legolas and Gimli in a room at the castle Aragon inherited after he became king. This all take place after _The Return of the King_.

**DUH!**

P.S. I don't own Lord of the Rings

**Double duh!**

No reason to be so mean!

--

"Legolas?"

"Yes Gimli?"

"Can I ask you a question?"

"You just did!"

Legolas and Gimli both burst out laughing.

"That was a good one lad!" Gimli said through a fit of giggles. "But I still got to ask ya somethin."

"Okay, Gimli. What is it?"

"Well, you and me have been through a lot of battles, right?"

"Hum… yes, we've been through a ton of battles together."

"Well, in every battle that we the enemies we've slain, you seem to win."

"True," Legolas said with a smirk, "but you do do your fair share of than killin."

Gimli burst out laughing. "You said do-do!"

Legolas joined in laughing. "You're right! I did say do-do!"

After a couple minutes of uncontrollable laughter, Gimli regained his composure. "Well, you have killed quite a few people… orcs… goblins… those giant mammoth things, and never once to I remember you buying, or retrieving, or making arrows."

"What's your point?"

"Where do they freaking come from!?"

"Oh… that's simple, they come from…" A quizzical look crossed his face. "You know, I never thought about it. But I _have_ never bought, retrieved, or made an arrow."

They both looked at the other side of the room to where Legolas's bow and the scrutinized quiver, surely containing no more than thirty to forty arrows, rested in a chair. The two heroes looked at each other for a moment before Gimli spoke.

"Count them?"

Legolas responded with a brief nod. They both ran over to the chair holding their weapons. Legolas grabbed the first arrow and counted, "One." Gimli took hold of the arrow and laid it on the bed behind them.

"Two." Gimli took the second arrow and laid it down next to the first. This procedure continued for about twelve minutes.

"Four hundred sixty-three..."

"Stop!" Gimli shouted. "We've been at this for nearly twelve minutes! The bloody thing still looks like it's full!"

"But look at all of the arrows we've taken out!" Legolas retorted, pointing at the bed. It now held a three-foot-tall stack of arrows spanning the entire surface of the king-sized mattress. "You know what, Gimli? Aragon is going to be pissed when he sees this."

"Why do you say that?"

"Well, you know how high-strung he's been since he became king."

"Yeah… so?"

"Well, we did just fill a whole room with a magical never ending supply of arrows, not to mention that we got into the royal wine cellar… and drank about half of it." Legolas said this with a worried look on his face.

"Ah… I see your point lad; he will be very mad indeed."

"We will have to get rid of the evidence."

"True. But before we do I have a question."

"Oh no… your questions are what got us into this mess!" Legolas said reproachfully.

"Exactly. That's why I should ask before we destroy the evidence."

"Hum… that _is_a good point. What's the question?"

"Well, Legolas I was wondering...how do you always stay so bloody clean?"

"That one is easy; I bathe, unlike some people." Legolas said accused.

"First: I do bath! Second: I meant how is it that in every battle, when the dust is swirling and so thick you can barely see, that you GLOW!?"

"I don't glow, I shine!"

"How?"

"I don't know. It just happens."

"Hum… okay, that's good enough for me. Now, how do we clean this up?" Gimli said, gesturing to the arrows and empty wine bottles.

"I know! We burn the arrows and hid the bottles!"

"Are you daft!? We could set the whole building on fire!"

"Nope, the walls are made of stone! Stone doesn't burn." Legolas grinned at the genius of his plan.

They piled the arrows higher on the bed and gathered the wine bottles, "Oh man!" Legolas exclaimed.

"What?" asked Gimli, concerned.

"I spilled wine on my shirt!" he complained. Gimli rolled his eyes and continued to clean up the mess. "You know what, Gimli. I think this wine is flammable."

"What makes you say that?"

"This bottle has three X's on the label."

"You're right--this stuff will burn like whiskey, if not better."

"Let's put it in with the arrows so they'll burn faster."

"That's a good idea, elf!"

"The only kind I have!"

After they had put all the mostly empty wine bottles in with the arrows, Gimli procured a flint box. "I think that since it's your plan, you should do the honors," the dwarf said to the elf.

"Sure thing," he said. He took the box from Gimli and struck the flint. "Holy shit!" Legolas shouted as he saw his left arm and torso catch fire along with the pile of arrows.

Gimli was beside himself with laughter as he watched his comrade 'stop drop and roll' all around the room.

"What the hell is so freaking funny, dwarf?!" Legolas roared after extinguished himself.

"I told you!"

"Told me what?"

"You glow!"


	2. Where Did That Leprechaun Come From?

Okay, the second chapter, this might turn out to be… something…

**Hellz ya, you did set someone on FIRE so everyone loves it!**

Yes, but most (sane) people don't have a Pyromaniac Leprechaun telling them what to read.

**True…**

SO any who, I got a lot of good feedback, and I still haven't figured out what I'm doing in Naruto so, here's another chapter.

**No one is set on fire /sulks/… **

Get over it, I set someone on fire last chapter; plus, you're in this chapter.

**Your right, I guess that's true, and the person I talk to is able to set stuff on fire with his mind, so I guess that IS a plus… **

**Oh… and if one person comments on spelling, well you'll see… I might have to visit you one night…**

Oh and when there's bold in the story that's Pyro.

**Hehehe!**

---

Aragon was not in a good mood, today alone, he had: filled out seventeen different trade requests and completion forms, met with the war council, settles three land disputes between several of his lower dukes, and now there was a fire in one of the lower levels.

Most people would have freaked out about a fire in the castle, but one of the reasons his castle had held-up from so many schemes, was that it was fire proof, aside from being made of dwarf in stone, some of the most powerful fire warding spells (other wards include: water, plant, ice, and bird poop) know to the elves were placed on his new home, they were extremely grateful when he had destroyed Saluron. His castle was a place where the three current ruling races of Middle Earth (Humans, Elves, and Dwarfs) could meet in peace, and discus matters of importance. All three have worked to build it, and now all three defended it.

"Aragon!" The king in question knew that voice well; it belonged to one Frodo Baggins.

"What is it my favorite hobbit?" He asked with sincerity (a king learned to be diplomatic, even when he's in a bad mood. Plus Frodo was the royal ambassador of the hobbits.).

"I've discovered the cause of the fire."

"Ah… I was just on my way to investigate that. What was the cause? A lit candle? A torch just a little too close to a tapestry?" He asked hopefully, even though he knew the answer involved one of his three companions.

"No sir," Frodo replied a little apprehensively. "It was…"

"I swear, if you say Gimli, Legolas, or Gandalf I'll scream." The exacerbated King interrupted.

"Sir it is unbefitting of a King to scream, so I'm not answering that question."

"Then I will be in the throne room, taking care of some business befitting a King while you take care of the mess down stairs."

"I hardly think that fair sir!"

"Then get one of the three that wasn't involved to help out." He ordered. Aragon left after this to return to his duties, and let his old friend take care of his other old friends. At the same time Frodo left to find an old friend to help him deal with his other old friends.*

Gandalf was having a reasonably good day for a man in whose age was in the triple digits**. Sure one of his spells went amiss this morning and his shoes would now glow in the dark (which fascinated the man, and later led to the habit of dimming the lights whenever he had company over, just to show them off) and the intended outcome was to make a spaghetti sauce that never touched clothing; at least the glowing shoes would distract from his stained clothes. The thing that worried him about this thought was that ever since he tasted the sauce he was being followed by a four-foot-tall man in all green clothing, wherein a shamrock on his head carrying a pipe. This was fine by itself, after all any wizard worth anything could summon creatures, what really freaked him out was that he was the only person that could see this tiny man.

**So what are you going to do with the sauce, buddy?** The green clad person asked.

"Through it out I guess. Aside from making me hallucinate, it tastes horrible." He responded to his tiny companion.

**That seems like a waste.**

"It does, but what else are we going to do." It's said that it's okay for a person to talk to him/herself, but when you start talking in the plural is when you're in trouble. If this was true, then Gandalf was in a world of trouble.

**We could stick it in the Kitchen so that it would be put in the food and EVERYONE can see me, and I can simultaneously cause every person in the kingdom to go crazy!! Or we could just burn it.** If the previous statement is even remotely true, then it's more than likely that when your hallucination also speaks in the plural, not to mention about plots to take over the known world, or acts of arson, one should REALLY seek mental help***.

"I hardly think giving it to other people is a good idea either… maybe we should burn it!"

**Too bad, a little anarchy can be fun.**

"I don't have a clue who you're talking to, or about what Gandalf, but there will be no more fire in the castle!"

"I was talking to the tiny green man that only I can see. Whatever do you mean by 'anymore' fire Frodo?"

"Legolas and Gimli started a fire in one of the lower levels. I need you to help me clean up and sober the two up a bit before the banquet tonight." As much as that first sentence had worried Frodo, he had more pressing problems than an old wizard with declining mental health.

"Sobering spell… I like those, their fun to use, makes pretty fireworks, or maybe I was just drunk last time I used it…"

**Did you say fire!?**

"No I said 'FireWORKS' their like controlled explosions…"

"I know what fireworks are Gandalf."

"Again talking to the little guy… well same height as you but in all green with a shamrock…" He tried vainly to explain.

"Are you feeling well?" The non-green clad four footer of the trio asked the aging wizard, as he led him towards the lower levels.

"Not really I have a horrible stomach ache, from the spaghetti sauce I ate this morning why?"

"What was in that sauce if might ask?" Frodo asked in response.

"Hum… tomatoes, parsley, timey, beef, brimstone, newt eyes, salt…"

"Brimstone!" Frodo interrupted.

"Well technically its magical brimstone but yes."

"And why did you put that in your sauce recipe?"

"So it wouldn't stick to clothing." He answered as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"Well next time don't eat anything in the Lab okay?"

"Fine dad!" Gandalf replied in a very childish manner. He continued following Frodo down the halls.

"Hum… and Gandalf I'd rather you just conjure some coffee instead of performing any spells on them specifically." It didn't occur to Frodo that Gandalf could very well conjure up something much worse than coffee in his state, but that was fine, considering no one thought of it till it was too late to matter.

"Whatever…"

They finally arrived at the location of the fire and where happy to see that other than a destroyed bed, burned shirt, and scorch marks, the room and its occupants were completely unharmed.

"Hey look! It's Gan-Gan-Gandalf." Legolas stuttered in his drunken haze to an even drunker Gimli.

"How ya doin' old buddy!" Gimli asked Gandalf. I think here I should point out that Gimli could hold his liquor much better that Legolas, just for the simple fact he was a dwarf.

"I'm just fine, 'cept for this burned sleeve." Legolas interjected.

"Not you Gandalf!" The dwarf corrected.

"Oh… sorry I'll just sit here and look at this hole in the wall."

"There's no hole in the wall Legolas, that wall leads right into the castle's foundation." Frodo corrected.

"Any who other than an annoying green hobbit…" Gandalf started.

**Leprechaun not hobbit.** Said leprechaun corrected.

"Oh… sorry other than an annoying green leprechaun (whatever that is) that only I seem to be able to see I'm just fine, how 'bout yourself?"

"Well I'm fine, a little tipsy but fine."

"Oh yes I'm supposed to fix that!" The gray-haired wizard remembered, and summoned a pot of coffee. Which all four proceeded to drink, a mistake on their part; the coffee did exactly what it was supposed to do, which was bad considering Gandalf had summoned it instead of conjuring it. Conjuring (being a branch of transfiguration) would have been turning the ashes and dust and whatever else that was around him into a pot of coffee, whereas summoning meant he had already created a pot of coffee and he simply brought it to their location. This on any other day would mean nothing except Gandalf had made this coffee out of the same ingredients he had made his sauce out of.

Legolas was first surprised that his feet started to glow slightly then he along with Frodo, and Gimli were shocked to see a leprechaun standing in front of them.

"Is…" Frodo started.

"That…" Gimli ventured.

"A…" Legolas continued.

"Leprechaun!?" They asked in unison.

"I told you I saw one!" Gandalf accused. They then spent the next fifteen minutes arguing about the sight of this creature and wither or not they should be worried when Legolas again asked only this time with more detail…

"Why is there a tunnel in the wall that should be solid stone?" The other three looked to where he was pointing, and were shocked to see (after removing a bit of soot) that he was right.

*I love to confuse you a reader it helps keep you on your toes, and not just skim through my story.

** Does anyone know his real age, tell me and I'll change that.

*** Me, saving the world one crazy at a time… or maybe I'm just infecting one crazy at a time…

**Either way it's fun.**

This is true.

---

There is a tunnel under the castle! What does this new revelation mean!?

**That fire is good!**

Why do you say that?

**Because without it they never would have found the secret tunnel!**

Hum… this is also true.


End file.
